Strange News

I wrote this in my Creative Writing class . If you guys remember all the hype about Armin Mueller, the German cannibal, well, this is about this story . I made this up completely, as if I were him .

As a young child, my imagination always wandered. I would dream, even while awake, about the taste of flesh. I went to the delis and would ask the butchers, but no one took me seriously. They would tell me to stop wasting their time or they "don't take kindly to no pranksters".

At age 21, I just got out of college and I got my job at a computer technological center. There, I sighted many meaty men and my desires for human flesh arouse once again. I also noticed that I was attracted to almost every single man at this job. But, not one woman attracted me. There was even a time that I nearly vomited when Lucy, our secretary, was hitting on me.

By age 37, I still hadn't tasted human flesh, besides when I consumed others in my dreams. Oh, how I wanted to just eat what my stomach craved, but, not one deli, not even in China, had the meat of a human.

After celebrating my 40th birthday, alone, I decided to take my thoughts and make them into actions. I pasted an ad in several newspapers and even on the internet for another male to let me devour them. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, without a single response. Discouraged, I still paid the dues every week to have my ad up every week. A few more months dragged by, when I checked my e-mail. "FINALLY", I screeched, "A RESPONSE"!!!

The man was 43-years-old and his name was Bernd-Jurgen Brandes. He told me that he would love for me to decapitate him and fry him up for dinner. He told me that it would make his God and his family proud. He wanted to sacrifice himself to do something brave for once in his lifetime.

On December 25th, 2002, at age 41, I finally tasted the exquisite taste of human flesh. This was the exact moment that I realized that McDonald's was not only about 1600 calories per McChicken, but it could not even compare in taste to a fried Bernd-Jurgen Brandes sandwich!